Another Time, Another Place

Posted By Fr. Bill on May 16, 2012

We can think about these things and wonder, if it serves to increase our sensitivity to spiritual matters; but we cannot judge because we haven’t the ability and it’s not our place.

Why even think on such things?  Because it ultimately points back to ourselves.  It points within, where in fact we must look and study and evaluate and work hard.

So let’s think about ourselves here….let’s put out of the picture everyone else around us and just look within.

We should wonder where we stand with God.  When we get close to God, we think much differently about our place and how shaky it is or could be, than we did when we first started off on our Faith journey and were much farther away.

When we are young in faith, Our Lord lets a lot slip by.  We are being filled with consolations and encouraging markers along the path.   These things are purposeful, because they give us impetus to push on and to put heart and energy into our steps and will.

But then we get closer and we become more sensitive to God’s light and heat.  We feel it more intensely deep down in our hearts, minds, and in the fabric of our souls.  We know that to get closer, we have to become more like Him; and yet we wonder how we are ever going to match up to someone like God, because He is, after all, God; we thus become acutely aware, sooner or later, of the infinite gulf of difference between ourselves, and Him — the creature standing before its Maker.

Maybe there was a time earlier on when we knew the ropes of the faith, the laws and principles of our catechisms, and we looked around and judged in some way or other, everything and everyone around us by them.  It’s natural to do this, we all have done it or still do it.

And recently I came across a line in a book that plugged me back in to this important question of how we stand before God, others, and ourselves.

We need humility before God because we are not God.  We are creatures.

We need humility before others because when we put others down, it is our pride that is trying to raise up our false ego, and the effect is that we forget that we need God every step of the way while we become more blind and full of ourselves.  But most importantly, we just never really know what struggles a person is facing when they make the mistakes and commit the sins they do.   We often see bad as good, and good as bad; and we also cannot properly evaluate others and where they stand before God because we don’t know how to read the spiritual state of another.

We just don’t know.  This awareness causes us to realize this:  that we need to pray for others and be humble before our Maker.

How often do people praise up and down the virtues of the person who passed away, not knowing anything of what God knows.  Even when people say they know someone well, they do not truly “know” them as God does.  We see  someone as a saint, mostly because of emotions, sentimentality, and our love for them.  But perhaps deep down before God they never did with their lives what was in accord with the graces given them by God and because of this they will be in purgatory for a very, very long time.   Maybe they were really bad, and managed to keep their evils from anyone’s sight.  How often have there been people upheld by everyone as such holy and wonderful public figures, only to see later that they were given over to some evil.  Or perhaps, like there are a surplus of cases of I am sure, there are scores and scores of people all through history that people have sung praises over who were truly bad and history books never caught it.  How many bad people have disappeared into the annals of history never having been called out because they were never found out?  As I saw written so well somewhere recently, “Often the basest men leave behind them excellent reputations.”

And here’s a good line too:  ”We can say who has the cleanest hands before men; but not which has the cleanest soul before God.”

But then consider that perhaps a person who struggled all through life and was looked down on by so many because of a sin they had, was only seen by God truthfully, and only God knew what that man was up against.  That all the people who judged couldn’t know all the facts about their transgression and all the circumstances going on within and without the sinner…and out of their self-righteousness these judging people didn’t see how God gave the person a particular kind of cross the people who were judging didn’t have.

For many who look down on and judge others for their transgressions, there is not felt the same struggle to stay free of the sin in question.  For some of these, there is simply not the same attraction to the sin; maybe one person stays out of trouble, not because they are morally and spiritually stronger and superior, but simply because they aren’t even interested?   For example, it’s easy to look down on a person who has a problem with gambling, when you yourself have no interest whatsoever in gambling and feel none of the attraction or compulsion that could go along with it.

But the fight against whatever fault and failing we have — and each of us has our own battle — we must be strong and determined, not looking right and left to see who else is in the hole with us and has similar issues so we don’t feel so alone.   When we do this we are only trying to comfort ourselves and we won’t fight as hard the battle that God knows is before us.  We will only be tempted to relax and accept where we are and come to live in it, to live WITH our achilles heel, instead of doing our part to cooperate with the work of God to heal it.

And we can also really get knocked down in our morale when we feel alone combatting something we don’t think we can hold out against; when we look and see so many others of sterling character around us, or so we think.  We might believe in the power of God, but we might be well worn down by our own discouragement at having failed so much.  Perhaps we feel that we’ve lost our chance to be sterling ourselves…and that we are marked by a stamp of “loser’, even though we might make in the door at the end. The devil will be right there to see to it that we stay discouraged.

But this passage I came across puts it well: “There may be more real merit, more self-sacrificing effort, more of the noblest elements of moral grandeur, in a life of failure, sin, and shame, than in a career, to our eyes, of stainless integrity.”

Key words: “to our eyes”.

What this means is this:  the fight of the soldier who is overwhelmed in battle is the very place where real honor is tested and made perfect; when there has been a loss of character, and then it is proven again valiantly out of the spirit of reparation and faith:  THIS is mighty indeed.   This has much different a meaning than the soldier who was never tempted, never fell, and has never been in battle.   The latter might be “sterling” because he never got dirty.  The former has been deep in the struggle and has been knocked down and believes enough in his fight to GET UP and back on the horse.

Think about it!

What is to be learned from this?

- To visit the confessional frequently…but realistically.  Use the Sacrament to uproot the problem and be determined to do something about it with the help God gives you.  Don’t confess and then go back to the sin and use confession like a quick fix and a shower, just so you can get back to the same pile of dirt.

- Be mindful that we cannot know what others are facing, entirely, in their lives.  We don’t want to get into the frame of mind where we just let everyone and everything off the hook, because we’ll start taking the reality of sin too easy and we won’t combat it as forcefully as we should.   And as it always happens, we would get “comfortable” with living with our sin and weaknesses just like everyone else around us might be doing….that’s the “world”.    Living too close to sin means eventual aiding and abetting it.

But on the other hand, we also can’t go down to heavily on someone else for their faults, failings, and weaknesses while lacking a sensitivity to where we ourselves stand.  We have to mind our place because we should know that given the same set of circumstances, we might fall into the same trap ourselves.   We should recognize that we aren’t “better” than others simply because we haven’t fallen into the same destructive pattern as they.   This DOES happen all the time…people look on others with a self-righteousness that betrays their lack of awareness that anyone is capable of falling given the right conditions.   Again, it easily could if the conditions were right.  We all need to be thankful for the Grace of God to keep from falling, and to help us get up when we do.   The truly humble person knows how this works and so they mind their place.    We simply cannot judge either way, so hence the saying, “My trust is in God”.

- We have to be firm in our principles and our understanding of right and wrong and do our best to live by this knowledge with the help of God.  And we have to remember that God alone is the judge; we simply have to do our best to live up to what we know to be true, and help those around us do the same.  This really is the bottom line; all we can do is to do our very best with what we are given by God.

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Posted By Fr. Bill on May 15, 2012

When we watch movies, which are still functioning towards the same end as ancient Greek plays (a vicarious spiritual catharsis) (look it up), we are learning things.  For good or ill, we are being both taught values and inspired to imitate what we see.   Something spiritual is on the table before us going through changes as we make these stories and perform them.  They give expression to what we are and long for; they also become moments where we, as the viewers, enter into the story and feel ourselves become a part of what we watch.  The “play” of the film is giving expression and performing outwardly things happening on our interior level.

But what’s happening to our heroes?  What’s happening to our role models?  What are we expressing on the screen, and what are we being taught and inspired toward?  Anything good?  Anything decent and pure and wholesome and strong?  Anything which upholds a value worth giving your life for?

We have a crisis of heroes and role models today.  Even our so-called ‘heroes’ we consider good, are still troubled and messed up one way or another.  We commonly think they’re more ‘realistic’, more like people ‘really are’.

When we create troubled heroes, or better yet, “dark” ones — we are secretly more interested.  Yet we don’t stop to think that the ‘dark side’ is gaining a foothold in our lives and all we’re doing is making heroes out of compromised characters.   How do role models like this inspire us to become better human beings?  How do they inspire us to seek the good and live up to a more selfless standard?  How do these types of examples being fed to us through the media teach us to seek after purity and innocence and believe there’s a real STRENGTH to that?

Perhaps wholesome characters and stories where they really do triumph over evil simply aren’t dark and corrupt enough, not violent and twisted enough, aren’t “realistic” enough…showing us what people REALLY ARE.    They don’t “sell”.

I’m sure that’s why Brandon Routh was thrown out of Superman so that they could change the whole soul of the character.  They need to make it darker, like Batman, because that old school wholesomeness isn’t keeping pace with the times.  Maybe they know they can’t compete with Marvel Studios any longer so they know the only other card they have left to play is to take their characters into much darker territory and set themselves apart from what Marvel is doing.    Perhaps studio execs have a sense from tapping society’s pulse that we like more of a mix of good and bad, more dark and sinister themes in our hero’s worlds.  And the heroes have to be a lot less ‘perfect’ than we used to make them.  Let’s make them fallible and perhaps even divided, corrupt or just really rough around the edges.

I think we need more heroes and characters and stories like Captain America.  Perhaps many or even most people will only laugh at these things and consider them corny and beneath them….but they do this because they are uncomfortable with that kind of goodness and decency.

That says a lot about what’s happening to this current culture.  And why there’s so much sickness and very little hope and optimism.  We don’t have any real heroes left.  We are getting cold and cynical and lazy towards anything good and wholesome.

We could use role models as innocent and pure and strong as Captain America now more than ever.  His work is all cut out for him.

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Posted By Fr. Bill on May 15, 2012

Cap.  In the comic books I had growing up, he wasn’t the flashiest with the superpowers.  In fact, he had his shield and physical strength, but he couldn’t fly, couldn’t send blasts of energy out of his hands, etc.  He was a different kind of hero.

The movie was faithful in how it brought his character to life, at least for me.

The other Avengers were really interesting superheroes, and great fun…sure, it takes me back to what I loved about comic books.  The best of imagination and story-telling in fast moving visual format.    Iron Man was ALWAYS cool and really an interesting character.

But Captain America was different because he embodied a goodness and decency that totally set him apart in my mind….I loved and always secretly admired this and understood it.  No, my friends didn’t really talk about that part much, and I wasn’t like Steve Rogers growing up. But there was something in me that loved and respected those values I saw written into the character.

It was, simply put, the ideal of being a “good man”.   He was not conflicted and dark.

Captain America didn’t become decent and strong and gentlemanly; it wasn’t the powers that he got through the super soldier experiment that made him strong:  he, as a person, as Steve Rogers, already had that before he came to the laboratory.   He was pure and good and had no ulterior motive about anything for himself.  His mind was pure about what he was doing and why.  He was all about sacrifice and honor, courage, and protecting the innocent.

The character in the movie was really well done.  The actor used was perfect, because he captured those selfless qualities well but also stayed in touch with his humble roots.  He wasn’t “phony” strong and fearless.  He had a healthy fear in that he appreciated the gravity of danger he faced –and you could see that in his eyes; yet what he was fighting for and why fueled his courage.

In short, he had Knightly Chivalry going on in his heart.

He didn’t care that he appeared to others, as Tony Stark said, “a) dressed in a spangly spangly outfit, and b) not of use here”.

Now Tony Stark tried to break him down by saying his strength merely “came out of a bottle”…in other words, he was just a lab experiment and that’s all he was.   But Tony Stark was wrong — yes, Rogers’ “physical” strength came from the lab experiment that made him a super soldier.  But that’s not what made him powerful.  What really drove Steve Rogers — his moral and spiritual courage — was what was already in his heart, and was always there.  Skinny Steve Rogers started off with no physical strength at all, and was small and sickly.   But he was never a coward, always a gentleman, always dreaming of doing what was right.   He CAME TO THE TABLE with his moral courage already in place.

That’s who and what really drove Captain America.

That’s what makes Captain America powerful and compelling.

I also found it endlessly fascinating that he was called the “man out of time”.   How did I hear this?  I know how the movie meant it, but for me, well — it was like he was here in a crazy, changed world with a heart that shaped for a different time.  He was now out of place.  A man THAT GOOD isn’t from around these parts.   His heart is a timeless one because of what Steve Rogers chose to make his heart into.  And here, despite his not fitting in to modern circumstances so well, he was still the “good man”, from his heart and not being so in order to get praise and recognition.

The love interest of his life, from his first movie, was gone to him now (and there wasn’t anything mentioned about her, at least nothing clear…I wonder how/if it will be addressed in movies to come).

Steve Rogers was a character who became one with a holy principle.  He made it his heart and reason for being.  And I just love that…so watching it in movie form was like watching a seemingly impossible dream made true.

It seems like a blessing from the hand of God that in this day and age there really is a character like this still portrayed and portrayed well.  In this day and age, when movies can too often be trashy and stupid, with bad characters and corrupt morals being shown to be a way of life, it truly is a breeze from another time and place.  At least to me.

Steve Rogers is a Knight in Shining Armor.  But, also, he is just a comic book character.  He is too good to be true.  Yet the way it was filmed and pulled off, it was perfect:  like there really could be such a person, if that person wanted to really be that way bad enough.

We do see examples of people who evidence elements of this sort of character, but they are only glimpses, and flashes of these traits come forth.  Rarely is a man like this, from the time his eyes open in the morning, till the time they close at night.

Men like this live and die by holy principles.  They are good in their hearts, even as they feel everything happening around them in the kinds of less than ideal circumstances we all face.   Honor and Duty…these are the compass and guides of the Knight.

Imagine there being a man who really was a Knight in his heart, yes, real thing — and had the conviction to think this way all the time, to the point where he really changed and BECAME this way, and REMAINED this way…all the time.   That he just kept at it like skinny Steve Rogers holding his trash can lid up to the bully of his own doubts in the dark alleys of his mind , and said “I can do this all day” to his weakness and temptations, till Jesus transformed him because, in truth, he was a worthy man with a real pure heart.

The scene which sums it up for me is the end of Captain America: The First Avenger, when Steve is piloting the plane with the bomb aboard into the icy wasteland so that it will bypass New York.  He realizes he has to crash the plane to save innocent lives.  He chooses to sacrifice his life, and he sees everything flashing before him…everything he stands for, everyone he loves, is captured well in that expression on his face.    I don’t know what the film critic sees, or anyone else sees, but for me that expression captures it all.

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Posted By Fr. Bill on May 15, 2012

So I was talking about the experiment of visiting the church every morning for the Sacrament of Absolution.

As I waited my turn, I couldn’t help but notice others who would also come for the Sacrament, young and old and in between.  Not too many, but they were there and I’d begin to make note of those who came often.   I’d see certain faces frequently.

Inevitably, you do start to think about these people and why they go to confession often.  It was an interesting question:  because on one hand, you naturally wonder if they were holy like my Jesuit friend, and were deeply into their spirituality and saw the value of the daily grace for their lives.   Or maybe not:  maybe, on the other hand, they were struggling with a moral weakness.  Or perhaps there was fear or even excessive mental sensitivity and apprehension, or possibly scruples.  (scruples is an extreme where the person is overly fixated on any possible sign of sin or the existence of sin where none really exists…i.e., stepping on twigs on the sidewalk that happened to be in the shape of a cross.)

It wasn’t possible to tell from one’s facial expressions what they were really like inside.   And it was equally impossible to speculate as to whether a person was battling a moral problem and needed the strength, or whether they were committing the same sin over and over and going to confession about it so they could get back to it again not feeling so bad.  I would study people’s look and try to see if I could see a sign of their disposition, because sometimes you do see indications of things, good or ill, through body language, deportment, movement.

And I was interested mainly because I knew this Sacrament was so important, and there’s the cold hard fact that in these times people by and large don’t really make use of it at all, let alone believe in it or understand it.

Sometimes people who are really black with sin have spotless exteriors and look like they’d be shining examples of purity and spiritual strength to others; and other times people who look like they are disheveled and impoverished in their outward look are really pure within.

How many times I would meet people who would say to me, “so and so is SUCH a holy priest,” and yet I would know oppositely because I knew plenty of him, more than I wanted to know.  Or such and such a person is such a perfect image of a family man, but I would know first hand that that wasn’t the truth.

It became more and more amazing, the closer I got to the Sacrament, that appearances cannot really tell you anywhere near as much as you thought.  Fact is, you really don’t know.

Perhaps before God, a person’s soul is clean, even though no one else sees it or respects it as such; or God sees the person “worthy” because they struggle, fail and fall down, get up and keep struggling — toward a good with an enormous cross to carry, while those who jeer and feel self-satisfied while they look down in pity at such people have no cross to carry or a much, much lighter one….and so the Lord looks at them as proud and arrogant.

Makes you think twice about your conclusions regarding others faults, failings, and shortcomings and why we shouldn’t be so quick to judge or conclude something about a person one way or the other.

Sadly, it happens all the time that people we find attractive and in line with an ideal we have turn out to be corrupt or depraved (think of celebrities, politicians, etc.)  They look so polished but they are not.  How many people have we known, or met, or just see on the street impress us one way, but in truth could well be another?   Who sees what God sees?

How many times I have liked the work and face of an actor, what they appear to be to me in my imagination…later to find out that the person is really nothing of what I thought.  I’d find out that they were really sordid, foul-mouthed, with opinions that perhaps shocked or even disgusted me.

And just because a person is “good” in our eyes, that is, they really do seem to be, by all accounts, good and hard working, kind, generous, etc….how do we know whether or not they are listening to God and responding to the graces for life that He gave them?  What if the good we see in them, and want to applaud, is only their attempts to compensate for what God asked them to do in life, but which they ran from or refused?   What is the value then of what we wanted to believe?

A person could look ‘perfect’ to us, but if they are only in a purely worldly sense — and unbeknownst to everyone else they have inwardly turned away, evaded, or are running from God speaking to them through their conscience — are they not in a world of trouble in the Big Picture?

And what if they are good outwardly in every sense, but inwardly, they are secretly harboring evil thoughts and desires?

Think about it.   How do you really know?

In the end, you really can’t be sure about anything when it comes to the spiritual status of another person…and that’s why we cannot judge anyone else:  because we really can’t know and this is God’s business alone.

We cannot judge, in place of God, a person’s true goodness or their shortcomings and sins.

Yes, we still need to talk about the right and wrong of people’s actions.  But we cannot know their soul’s state and what’s happening to them on that plane, before the Lord.   As to this part, which also is so very important because it has to do with eternal destinations! –we need to focus our prayer.

I know that I don’t need people judging me and praising me for appearances….but I could use their heartfelt prayer because that is addressed to the most important part of my life and I would know it’s my best interest they have in mind.

Do we think like this?  Perhaps we should start now, if we don’t already.

All we can do, and what we are SUPPOSED to do, is pray….pray, work hard at what Jesus taught us should be our concern, and leave the rest to Him.

If trying to manage our own lives, and what we are responding well to, and what we try “not” to hear because it is difficult to bear, is hard enough — what business do we have trying to manage other people’s lives before God, determining for ourselves where they stand?

Are we trying to put up images for others to see as well, so that they will judge us favorably?  After all, this is how the world works; does this mean that to fit into the world, we are playing the world’s game and working on appearances instead of substance?

(continued….)

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Posted By Fr. Bill on May 14, 2012

I remember years ago I began following the example of a priest I looked up to, by going to confession often.  He told me he went for “absolution” every day, at the risk of pestering and annoying one of his Jesuit friends (he had few) to give him the ‘grace’ of the Sacrament, just so that he had it every day.  Knowing him fairly well I suspected he was among that rare breed of person that didn’t really have much to confess, since he was living in a particular state of grace and was regularly attentive to his actions, thoughts, and words (He was a Jesuit also, old school).   But he was gravely serious with me about how easy it would be to fall from the curb to the gutter; therefore, he confided to me with a smile, he knew he wanted to go every day for absolution just to be ‘safe’.  And there was grace for his future too, he said…something he knew he couldn’t live without.  He told me that there were popes who went daily and highly recommended this practice because it was spiritually not only wise for one with many grave responsibilities, but necessary.

Lesson: The closer we get to God, the more we need Him, and the more wary of ourselves we should be.   It’s not that the closer we get to God, and the more spiritually advanced we become, the more like God we become and the less we “need” Him.  It’s the opposite.    To be near God, you will need the protection of God more and more…because you are not God.  We are dependent.

I took this to heart and so I went often.   I performed this regularly as an experiment to plumb the depths of the Sacrament, and to experience and explore the change in consciousness it afforded.

I found a church in town with a pretty solid and balanced older priest who took his vocation quite seriously, and thus had Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament every morning before Mass, and offered confession as well before these.   So I’d try to make it up there as often as I could.

I did note right away a number of things.  I developed a sensitivity to the reality of sin, including the dangers of venial sin.  Going to confession frequently with the right intention helps one to appreciate the reality of sin, its true gravity and danger to the spiritual life even when venial; and also, along the way I developed a sensitivity towards the reality of sin in the lives of others:  since I am a priest I should care about that.

But over time, it keyed me in to the reality of how varied people’s circumstances are in life, how the reality of sin affects them and how weaknesses and tests from God are as wide and varied as there are personalities.   You can’t paint everyone with the same brush.

You need to be focused on the gravity of sin, but at the same time, you need to be able to be detached enough to understand the role of compassion and leaving judgment to God.

In other words, we can’t get soft towards the reality of sin, whether in ourselves or in others; yet being balanced before God leaves you with an awareness that as much as someone else’s sin repulses us, we could easily be right where they are if the circumstances were just right.  No one should look down on anyone else…because we are all in the same boat.   We need to see someone who is struggling with compassion, and we should pray for them to get stronger for the good in their lives with the help of their Lord.

Visiting the Sacrament frequently, with a good director working with you, will help you see this clearly and put you in a humble place.

(continued…)

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Posted By Fr. Bill on May 12, 2012

And so, in that spirit of Sacrifice, of all the things and people sacred to you that you could give up cheerfully into the hands of God if it happened to be in His plan for you…

Do you see that no matter what you give, you must first of all learn to give up your own heart?

How is it that we could miss this?  Yet we do.  We offer to give so many things into the hands of God, yet strangely enough, we manage to always take them back in some way…and this is because we never actually gave Him the totality of our own heart FIRST.

That could well be the reason behind the restless…that lack or absence of peace and good, holy silence in our lives…the simple fact that we just can’t let go of our own heart and trust that God will take it to Himself and do exactly with it what He promised:  making it “new” for the Heavenly Marriage Feast to come.

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Posted By Fr. Bill on May 11, 2012

Sometimes it happens that you will need to keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself, and you will not like it but you will have to because the situation calls for it.

It’ll be a challenge but it’s right according to the plan of wisdom that Our Lord has outlined for you.

How many true Saints have had to do this, and how often did they have to practice this?  Who around them knew what was in their heart of hearts?

What happens to the longing, the hopes and dreams, for those who embark upon the path to Sainthood?  Are they extinguished so that one get walk this rarely trodded path?  Are they jettisoned so that one can make room for the things of God?

How many true saints were silent and apparently “empty” to others around them, but were in truth filled with many prayers for situations and for people that meant something special to them?

Silence doesn’t mean you are empty, doesn’t mean you have nothing in your mind or heart.

Maybe it’s the opposite:  your heart and mind, though at peace because of Our Lord’s life in you, are really quite full and so silence is how you naturally express that fullness….and preserve it and safeguard it.

When you embrace the “spirit” of sacrifice, you will feel great joy for what you gave, but also the discomfort at times to remind you that you gave up something important to you.

I recall some priest friends I met when I got started in the seminary, older priests from a time when there were still knights.    They spoke candidly to me of how the spirit of sacrifice needed to be intimately known, and daily renewed, by a good priest.  This was to make him ready to know a kind of holiness, a side of God, that was not shown to anyone else.  He needed to know this well, otherwise he could not be a true priest…in his heart as well outwardly.

So one priest I knew said that he gave up dancing.  As a young man, he loved to dance and was quite good at it.  He was a charmer and the young ladies all admired him and wished to dance with him.  But when he became a priest, he privately gave this up to God and made a promise between him and God that he would not dance again until he was in Heaven with the Lord forever.

Another priest I knew gave up drinking alcohol, because he really enjoyed this.  He was balanced about it, and loved the taste of different beers, wines, and enjoyed cocktails when the occasion was right.  But since he saw that he liked it quite a lot, he felt that it would be something he could really offer up for the rest of his life.  So he decided that he would not taste wine again until he could drink it at the table of his Wedding Feast in Heaven.

Another priest I knew left his fiancee to get married to Christ.  He was deeply in love, but he knew that he felt a calling to become a priest and he truly knew in his heart that he loved Jesus more.  He could never shake this feeling, even though his whole life had been carefully arranged and looked so promising to him and everyone in his life.  And as much as he loved his fiancee, he had to tell her God was calling him and he had to let go.  And he was deeply in love at the time, as was his fiancee.  But he knew there was a much deeper love calling him to walk upon a different path.  As difficult as it was for him to make this decision, he still offered up his sacrifice cheerfully.

And there were others I knew too, who gave up successful careers or hopes of careers, because of the calling they felt.

They were called to give up things and people they loved.   There are always little sacrifices to make in life, but it’s the really difficult ones, the ones that really cost us personally in some way, that matter.

But when we offer up something or someone to God that is important to us, when we make difficult or sometimes painful choices for God so that we enter into the Plan He has for us, or walk the path He has started out on ahead of us, becknoning us to follow, we need to understand that yes we are detaching ourselves from something we are deeply attached to in order to be free for God; and yes, we are also giving up something or someone we consider a treasure to us, in our hearts;but because we give of something from out of our heart, our true VAULT where our riches are to be found, we are nearing something very holy.  We are learning to give freely to God from the heart and soul.

And the beauty of it is, it’s not something that is “thrown away”, “lost”, or “abandoned” as the devil would immediately start trying to convince us is the case.  Naturally, the bad guy is not going to be in favor of what we are about to do…or have already found the strength to do.  He will attack and question and try to break down our sense of commitment and our VISION…our tasting of the ideal of what we gave out of love.

No, rather than the above, we remember that whatever we sacrifice, whatever that may be, no matter how precious, we are GIVING IT TO GOD.   When we cast something away or abandon it, then it’s really gone.  But when we give something of ourselves, or something or someone precious to us, it’s all given into Jesus’ hands.    Again, when we sacrifice for real, we GIVE TO GOD FOR SAFEKEEPING.

And when Heaven comes for us, God willing, how do we know not only how beautifully everything we gave was kept all our lives, but more importantly, how much it has intensified and become more special, treasured, beautiful, and filled with more life than while on earth?  How and why could we think of limiting the Lord in this respect?

Funny how we rarely if ever think this way when it comes to making sacrifices.  We think with such little faith:  that if we give something up, it’s “gone forever” and oh how sad that is.  So we hoard and cling and grasp and anchor everything we can.  And we just can’t see the wisdom in that saying that to really have something, we must let it go.

How to let something go?  Give it to Jesus Christ.

There was so much life in each of the men I knew above, and they were early versions of “knighthood” to me.  Not perfect men, none of us are, but deeply inspiring.    I’ve been reminded of these knightly virtues recently, and it’s never a waste of time to go back over some of the basics, because we often forget about the foundations when we are getting caught up in the things of life.   It always pays to get back to the basics and work on them, polish and improve on them.

Each of these examples I mentioned were called to that “silence” in a different way, each was called to offer sacrifice in a uniquely felt way.   When you offer to God that special sacrifice in your life — you will know when it is really hard to do but yet you have joy and cheerfulness in doing so (because you know it’s right for you, and you believe in what you are doing…you have CONVICTION) — you will enter into a rare kind of joy that is a gift only from God.   You become “silent” in a way because it’s too special to talk about.

There aren’t really any good and satisfying words to use for this act of giving from your heart, but you know, it’s the kind of thing that even if you had the words you wouldn’t want to use them.  You wouldn’t want to talk about it too much, because it’s just too precious…it’s too personal; it’s between you and your Lord and you want to keep it that way.

And you can let go, knowing that everything’s in God’s hands and everything will be alright, no matter what.  You don’t need to check up on what you sacrificed, you don’t need to keep asking Him about it.  You just trust that when something is really in God’s hands from out of your own — from the heart — everything will be fine.  In fact, you know deep down it’ll be more than fine.

Silence can sometimes mean that what you think and feel may be far too much for words and it will be a challenge for you to believe and live by the idea that it is enough that you keep it between you and your Lord.

Silence means patience, because you may have to wait until the end of the story to see whether or not God blessed your hopes.

Silence often means that, since the heart-bound treasures you carry occupy your hands and arms, you give them to Jesus so that your hands and arms can now be used for others in some way.    You handed your treasures over to God and He carries them for you the rest of your days in this world, while you live for Him…in whatever degree and manner that is.  That’s up to Him.

Silence means you trust the arrangement.

Silence also means that while you fulfill a particular plan here on earth out of love for your Lord, the less you speak of them “here”, the stronger they become “there”.

When a man takes up this Yoke of Love, he could become a true Knight.

When a lady takes up this Yoke of Love, she could become a true Princess.

Shhhhhhh………..

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Posted By Fr. Bill on May 9, 2012

Simply put, a true friend is one who leads you to God, and supports you and helps get your feet where they belong, while on your way to God.  A true friend walks towards God in their own lives.   A real friend has many other fine qualities too, but let’s be clear:   their first and foremost indicator of authenticity in terms of friendship is that they lead you to God.  All the other good qualities a person has must be in relation to this core feature.    So, the central feature of a friend is whether they are helping you get to God.

A true friend does not get in your way with God; they walk beside you.  As they get closer to God, and as YOU get closer to God, you get closer to each other naturally.  Nothing has to be forced; it all happens automatically.

And a true friend will chastise you or come rescue you if you are going astray from God.  A real friend will support you and help you see straight.

A false friend may have all the appearances of a great friend, may have everything you think you want or need in a friend; they may have all the qualities you are impressed by and wished you had…but if they do not lead you to God, they are not your friend.

A false friend is interested in an independent life apart from God, in a big way or a subtle way; they want to build up their ego in life, and they want you to do the same so they are not alone.  It is a safety in numbers thing.

If a so called friend does not lead you to God, they will lead you AWAY from God simply by your continued association.  There is no neutrality in this matter:  either the two of you walk towards God together, or a decision must be made and ways part.  Why?  Because the forces of the world are powerful and will carry a naive soul away from God through the worldly orientation of a false friend.

This happens time and time again, but it’s one of those unpleasant truths that no one seems to want to believe and accept.

For a person who says they are your friend to say, “live and let live, you can worship any way you like, that’s fine by me…just don’t involve me, pull me, or push me” spells death for one who is trying to get closer to God.  It’s very much a case like Jesus said, “You are either with me or against me.”

So in this example, if a person is neutral or antagonistic towards God and religion and religious principles in life, you will not benefit by their association…but worst of all, you will be affected by their spirit and pulled away.  They will NOT move in your direction, because there is already a condition in place for them that God and the things of God are not wanted.  You will have to change to suit them.

Why aren’t they afraid of losing you as a friend (and they don’t feel the need for God like you do), as you seem to be in losing them?

If you pretend you can have friends who aren’t into your Faith with you, there will be a battle between you both at some point, or even a war:  because because good and evil, truth and lie, cannot be in the same place together.  When a person is away from God, their pride and attachment to the world rules them…and because of this working principle in place, there can be no tolerance for a friend’s religious leanings, activities, desires, and convictions.   As the expression holds, darkness doesn’t like the light.

This holds a mirror up to the conscience of a person who is running away from truth and from God, and this cannot be tolerated.  It’s far too uncomfortable.

In so many walks of life, people make friends according to so many different standards, depending on the person and the tastes they develop through the years because of their conditioning at the hands of their own ego and pride…but those standards are all in relationship to one’s false image of oneself.   A false builder builds only false things.

If one lives independently of God, either in part or in whole, that person will be affected by all the myriad appearances and features one thinks are attractive.    So many things look good to someone who is naive about how all this works.  They fall for these appearances and believe them.  Or they desperately want to believe them.  It’s a fantasy; it’s false beauty and attractiveness because it’s not rooted in God, who is the creator and sustainer of real beauty.

So, without God, there is no love.  There is only the appearance of love but with no life.   What good is it to have the whole world but no God, and no love, and therefore, no real life?

We see so much of this problem starting when we are young, in high school and even before.  This is a time we get caught up in so many other kids’ lives, because we are discovering social life and all the thrills that adolescent changes usher in.  But our minds are not formed completely and we lack maturity and we don’t see life in a correct way.  We make mistakes in judgment all the time.  It’s like not having depth perception even though technically we can still “see”.   Because of this problem,  we trip and fall because we can’t really tell just how close or far anything is.

Same thing in our lives:  we grow up around so many different influences, and we get caught up in currents of friends that aren’t good for us.  Strange how it is, but it’s true, we end up getting caught up in relationships we call friendships but are really destructive in some way…usually very subtly, because this is how evil corrupts souls:  while they are young, in their youth, when they are so innocent, foolish, susceptible, vulnerable.

Look and see the overwhelming pattern through generations:  how young people are attracted to the wrong things and develop an aversion to the right things.  How, if there’s no training and help from wise role models, and this situation grows unchecked, it ends up cementing in a young person’s life wrong values, tainted values.   Look and see how many personal problems develop in life because there was no necessary pruning done, no real values taught in these crucial formative years.   How the forming of one’s values, feelings, and thoughts about life and priorities and purpose is all being shaped by the wayward lives of one’s “friends”.

Now in these current times, this problem is out of control AND the forces of peer pressure and media indoctrination are so powerful that even if you are a superb parent you will have your hands full with what can often seem like an insurmountable struggle….trying to keep your children safe, balanced, healthy in the way they think and grow up.  So no one is spared this test.

Sometimes we have bad influences in our lives that SEEM good enough on the outside, but are not good for us.  We can rationalize all we want, telling ourselves someone or something is not really so ‘bad’ for us, that we are in control, etc.  But we mysteriously get weaker and weaker, pulled away from where we belong.

This happens because associations not good for us start hooking on to us through the mind and heart.  We develop emotional connections to things not good for us.  And we can’t break them.   This happens in high school and college all the time.  This is how good kids get sucked into bad situations and groups of “friends”, who end up corrupting them and getting them hurt.   And yes, taking them away from God and their Faith in one way or another.

Are there only a couple ways that one can get caught up in unhealthy social circles and bad influences?  No, there are innumerable ways it could happen.  So many possibilities and factors are involved.  It can seem endless, depending on how many personalities are in question.

But it remains clear, that it doesn’t matter how “cool” we think someone is, it doesn’t matter how much we are charmed by someone’s personality features:  if they are not leading us to God, they will lead us AWAY from Him.

How many times I saw it myself:  kids in my high school days I thought were so cool…smart, athletic, popular, charming, hilarious, whatever:  wow, all the ways I wished I could be like that, I thought at the time.  They were such losers.  Their charm was all superficial; inside they were as lifeless as a bag of hammers.   But that pattern was most definitely there:  associating with them always led to trouble, sooner or later.

Even my so called “closest friends”:  they did not want God, and in fact they created elaborate justifications for keeping their distance from Him.  And they would pull me away the longer I associated with them.

So, in time, God created situations where the issue was confronted to the point where I saw no further point in spending any more time with them.   There was no point in this; I had to cut ties with them and so I did.

And guess what?  They weren’t so broken up about it.  The big fight we had in the end only revealed that I had been the fool all that time, believing our friendship was important and valued by us all the same way…when in fact they never saw it that way, and never could have.  They lost no sleep, they shed not a tear.   Their love was never there.  What a hard, rude awakening that was.

And while the World may well see my behavior as too harsh for cutting ties because no real friendship was possible, for believing it was never really there, the plain fact is that when it comes to God, He just thinks very differently about these things.   If someone or something is pulling you away from Him, He doesn’t take it kindly.   He’s not going to risk your spiritual death just because you are foolishly charmed by the appearances of people who have chosen to live apart from Him.

There’s an old saying:  ”A man is known by the company he keeps.”  In other words, if you want to see what a person is like, take a look at who their circle of friends are, who they are close to.  And you will see something very important about that person’s core…who they really are deep down.  What they choose, what they want to be like.

A good person chooses good friends, those close to God or on their way to Him.  It makes no sense for a person who wants to be good, happy, healthy (spiritually as well as physically and mentally) to hang out with people who are flirting with mortal sins and other bad people and places.   You can’t please God while regularly associating with things, attitudes, friends and gatherings that don’t support Faith or aren’t open to it.

The problem with the bad association you see everywhere today, especially in high schools and colleges, is that it corrupts goodness and destroys it.  It’s so hard to get that back.  And when something precious is stolen or destroyed, it oftentimes takes the whole person with it.  Or it stains them or cripples them in some way….leading to so much unnecessary pain and suffering later on down the road, if not more immediately.

When you commit mortal sin, you are outside of God’s love and life by your own choice.  Bad associations make this unthinkable situation a simple matter to have happen, especially when it occurs by slow and steady influence by bad association.

False friends lead you into perilous situations, because you falsely trust these ‘friends’.  You are led into wrong attitudes, you are pressured.  You want to be liked and you want to be accepted and respected by these false friends.  And how many times it happens that alcohol, drugs, and sex are available at just the right time, and in just the right setting, so that you fall for them without a fight.  In fact, you’ve been slowly reconditioned to see these things as a ‘good’, otherwise, how else did you end up allowing them to get so close so as to accept them?

And even if one is strong willed against these things, it’s just a matter of time before you start accepting these things, starting with just a little, little bit.  Or just by being around it enough, you will become weakened towards it.

We are affected deeply by our associations.  We overlap with our best friends spiritually, emotionally, psychologically.  That’s why it’s got to be good for us.

We share with our friends our personalities and lives in so many ways.  When this is in God, it is something wonderful, something precious.  That’s such a pleasure.   When we journey towards God together with a close friend, we both get closer to God and help each other all the more, and again, naturally, we grow closer to one another quite automatically.

When we try to have friends outside of God, or when we pretend to be able to keep close associations with people who are indifferent or inimical to God, there is only the inevitable downward pull of gravity.    And we will be pulled away.

I have situations where not all the people I “know” are my “friends”.  I would just call them people I know.  I’m kind, I’m friendly.  But people I consider my true “friends”, well, these are very few.

I’ve seen it written that it’s best to just have very few close friends.  Everyone else can be your “acquaintances”.  I have found this to be true.

Your close friends are important:  so it’s important that they be TRUE.  Make sure they are good for you and will help you get to God and will help you get your feet back where they belong when you go astray.  A true friend builds only the right things up in you and loves you.  A real friend will lay down and let you walk across their back if it means helping you to get to God.   A true friend tells you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear.

A true friend will forgive you if you screw up, because you both know you’re human and you’re not perfect.  You could be really wrong sometimes.  But you’ve got God’s love between you and pulling you onwards and you are there for each other.  This love changes forms in a positive way, and is always growing, and with Grace, is always being refined and made better.  This is such a precious gift.  If God’s love is there, that friendship can never be destroyed or overpowered by bad things or by mistakes and missteps.    Nothing overpowers the love of Christ.  Believing this, and living like you believe it, are all that matters.

Do the people in your life you call friends fit this description?

Who are your friends?  Who are simply you “know” in your life?  Why are they your friends?  Why are they just acquaintances?  Is Our Lord the most important person in their lives?

And by the way, how about another big question:  Are you yourself a real and true friend…?

Category: Mental Discipline, spirituality | Comments Off
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Posted By Fr. Bill on May 8, 2012

At a family member’s house over the weekend for a little Cinco de Mayo dinner, with all the little kids present, we all sat in the living room talking while the kids played.  The television was on quietly in a corner, and Blue’s Clues was on.  The episodes being run were the originals, with Steve.

This show got its start back in 1996 when I was 30.  As the plan of God unfolded in my life at that time, I was basically put in total charge of home-schooling my Goddaughter Chloe.   What became informal schooling and teaching little things during playtime evolved into formal education with a home-school curriculum that went right into Kindergarten, grade school, and up into High School.  All this started when Chloe was only 2.

Blue’s Clues was just one of those shows that was always around and because it was so loved by Chloe, and yeah, me too, it became part of life.  Starting out, this show was important to Chloe when she was in her playpen with her bottle…she was fascinated and followed everything that happened on the show.  It was her favorite.

In time, we both found ourselves talking about it a lot and I ended up learning the songs and singing them a lot for fun and smiles all day.    I had become a Steve Burns to Chloe.  I’ve been told my personality was similar enough to Steve anyway, so the association was easy for Chloe.

Blue’s Clues was one of those shows among a set of children’s programming that came on in the morning hours that I found was healthy and stimulated creativity for Chloe.   It was INTERESTINGLY and creatively educational.

The lead and live person on the show, Steve Burns was always interesting to me.  I liked him in the role:  he was perfect.  He was just superb in his job leading this show.  He was perfectly engaging for a young child, so much that you just WANTED to learn from him.  He had a gift for making you want to be around him.   Chloe watched it on her own level, and I watched it too right along with her, on mine.  I was studying and liking the simple ideas being conveyed, and the methods of teaching simple things to young children, that the show pulled off so well.  But everything still centered around Steve Burns’ unusually emotive performance, each and every episode.  The guy was super talented, in my opinion, and had an amazing ability to establish an emotional connection with the kids that was unparalleled, and, whether Steve knew it or not, was so extremely helpful to a little child growing up.   Learning for kids is facilitated through this connection, and was nourished by it.

Steve was animated and funny: he was a natural for the show — but he left.  Yes, in time Joe replaced Steve and yes, Joe does a good job.  I don’t want to take anything away from him.

But as everyone I’ve ever talked to agrees, Joe is no Steve.   Steve was in a class all by himself.    For many, like me, Blue’s Clues will always be Steve Burns, not anyone else…no matter how good at the job they may be.

Steve left the show in 2002, which was when Chloe was 8 years old and already on to other shows.  Blue’s Clues was still important, but it already made its mark during the most important years in her life (and perhaps mine too, because of Chloe) when Steve was at the helm.    I’m thankful for this.   Now Joe was on, and we thought, while he was “okay”, He’d never be Steve.

Now this is the hard part.  It wasn’t until not too long ago that I went back and followed up on some of the details of Steve’s departure.   At the time when he left, I knew some of the stories, but you know what — I just didn’t want to hear anything.  I wanted to keep what I felt about the show and its meaning close to the heart.  I didn’t want it spoiled then.

But now, it seemed there was a point to going back and taking a look.  So I saw some interviews on Youtube, and read from other sources about Steve’s reasons for leaving, much of these in his own words.

And I was just so disappointed and let down.

It was totally Steve’s choice to leave; it appears that he was getting bored, tired of his job, that it wasn’t satisfying to him, that he was “chafing” by the end of his time with the show.  He made jokes about his rapidly increasingly hair loss and how he didn’t want kids to watch him slowly lose his hair on the show, that this is another big reason he left.  But I couldn’t help but think that the true reason was that his decision centered more around that “chafing” of pretending to be something he just wasn’t into.  He didn’t want to get “stuck” doing something that wasn’t in accord with the plans he had for himself….he didn’t like the prospect of being typecast and “stuck” in a kid’s show indefinitely, and being known as Steve from Blue’s Clues.  Maybe he wanted his audience to be adults who would applaud his efforts to entertain as a rock band leader, or an actor in serious movies, TV, or plays.  Not a bunch of little kids who don’t know anything.

Yes, Steve openly discussed his ambitions of busting out on his own with a musical career with a rock band dream.   So after the last episode of Blue’s Clues he said he shaved his head, which he said he always wanted to do but was not allowed to do because of his contract, and cut loose with his band.   And Steve was gone.  He was out the door.

I didn’t watch the final episode of Blue’s Clues, where Steve leaves Joe and the kids behind as he goes off to college.  But those around me who did remarked how sad it was, and how unaffected Steve seemed to be.   Everyone else was heartbroken, but Steve Burns was just glad this was the last episode of Blues Clues he had to do.

Now of course I could be wrong about a number of details here, and my opinions which are about to follow are really just my opinions…but I’m still going to put it out there for what it’s worth, because yes, I feel like airing some of my own disappointment, and talking about the point of it all which I think Steve missed and let go of.  I think it’s a bit tragic, really.

I think Steve was in the classic position we all find ourselves in at one time or another.  We are at a crossroads and we have a very important decision to make about the future.  We see two directions:  one that is about “me”, and the other which has to sacrifice the “me” for something more important than “me”.

I think Steve made a “me” choice.  And here’s why.

He wanted to pursue another dream than the one that was happening to him.  He was affecting thousands and thousands of children, and many more than he may possibly realize because the life and charm and innocence of the show still lives on all these years later for newer generations of kids — and quite a drove of adults too — because he was a very good role model.  He was becoming the Mister Rogers of the present day.

Steve was “chafing” under what he felt were the limitations to his dreams imposed upon him by this show.  So he went off to be a rock star, which by the way, isn’t really panning out.  I mean, maybe he defines success different, etc., etc., and maybe he’s happy doing that, I don’t know.  But my heart still tells me he made a big mistake.

Maybe he thought he wanted to be a bigger or different kind of entertainer, someone more edgy and in line with his tastes in entertainment, music, etc….but maybe God was offering him an opportunity to be a part of something so very much more important.  But Steve didn’t want that because it would mean giving up the “dreams” he had for himself.

I do think he was meant to be Steve on Blue’s Clues.   Most of the time, sure, we can’t say what’s best for someone else.  But then there’s those exceptions to the rule where you have a strong sense of what IS best.  He wasn’t meant to leave.  Yes, he was free to leave at any time.  But there were so many children who had come to see his place in their lives, through this little fun educational children’s show, as almost sacred.

Steve could turn around and say the show just wasn’t for him.  But I would offer the challenge to him that yes, that might be true in a sense, but perhaps he was meant to outgrow, perhaps, certain dreams for himself so that his life would open up to something really important for other children, and that he needed to change his life to take on that role.

But sadly it seems Steve didn’t care about that, and from the interviews I looked at, and the other video clips I saw, he didn’t appear all that connected emotionally to what he was doing for children with this show…not like what I thought, or what I hoped, he was like.

Again it’s one of those cases where it turns out you’d rather not know what the actor is like in real life…you will be disappointed.   It was like finding out that Mister Rogers never liked his job and that when he got home every day it was Miller Time and he was just a rude mess that sees no problem with belching out loud at the table.

Role models are so, so extremely important for children.  And for adults too.  What happens there affects the fabric of everything we know, and reaches into eternity.  It does.

So, Yes, Steve made a choice for the “me” in his life.  He wanted to do what HE wanted to do now…get away from the kids show and avoid the tragic mistake of being typecast or spending your life doing a silly kids show and being thought of this way, no one taking you as seriously as you want to be taken.

There are times when we need to do what is right for “me”.   But also, there’s times when doing so is a wrong move — yes, a TEMPTATION — because the road you’re on is really the one you are MEANT to be on.

Maybe you have your plans, but God is offering you something far better.   Maybe you are meant to stay your course.

Yes, I’m saying I think Steve could have had lots of dreams for himself, things he thought would fulfill his dreams that he had for himself…but he was MEANT to stay with Blue’s Clues…or some similar work.  But he departed from the whole thing; he wanted “out”.

The reason for this article is not to bust on Steve Burns and the mistake he made.  It makes me think rather of my own choices and how I face similar situations all the time, just as I know you do too.

There’s plenty of dreams we have for ourselves; there’s lots of ways we explore in our imaginations to find the “me” in our lives.  We want our “alone time”, we want our “me time”, our time in the spotlight, a time when WE get recognized for our talents and dreams for a change.

But God is doing something in our midst all the time which is truly precious…and timeless….and eternal…but if we left the path He’s got us on, we would lose all that.  All because we wanted to start seeking ourselves for a change.  Because we never felt like the “me” in our lives was getting enough time in the light, and wasn’t getting the recognition.

This is our pride and ego and self-love talking.  Its pull is strong but its pull only takes us to the illusion of satisfaction and happiness.  It wants to take us to that place where it’s all about us, and that place just doesn’t really exist.

I had dreams for myself back when Chloe was small, and I was basically swept into a life that I didn’t really plan for myself, or ever imagine for myself.  See, I had all kinds of plans for ‘how’ I was going to exercise my priesthood, and my interests in writing and art.   I had visualized all kinds of things for myself, things I thought were going to be part of my life as a priest.   At the very least, I thought I had an idea as to the general direction of my priesthood.

But I’m amazed at the path I’ve been led to walk upon…and the adventure I’ve been undergoing since I made the choice to stay on it.

And I remember so clearly along the way working with Chloe, wondering what was ever going to become of those dreams I had for myself.  For in truth, all my time was taken up with taking care of this little kid.   I really liked it too…I was like a Nanny of sorts… I stayed home: I was with Chloe all day, making lunch, playing, watching shows, starting to teach her, and driving her places with me when I had errands to run.

My life, in other words, was being shaped by God and His plan for me, which was totally different from my own plans.  And you know, our own plans are never as good and amazing as God’s plans.  If only we could just believe this more wholeheartedly while we are in them!

I lived in a world for years, that seemed outside of time and the usual current of events.  I still did my priestly work with the Ministry and sometimes traveled here and there for mini-adventures.  But my life was defined by a child.  I became all important to a child and I had a role that was inestimably important to a little life.

I was the “Steve” in Chloe’s life.  I was the “Man with the Yellow Hat”.   I was the role model and idol, even though Chloe had her Mom and Dad and two older sisters around all the time too.  Our daytime fun together was all about doing school and watching our favorite kid’s shows, and drawing, and playing.

Now keep in mind, I still had ambitions for myself, ideas I had since leaving high school and college years, things I wanted to do for my own life:  and they were always things related to my ego, just like all the dreams we all have for ourselves.  It’s just so amazing to me now to look back and see how God has such different plans than ours, how those plans would never seem agreeable to us (“what about me and MY dreams?”) at first but in retrospect — and FAITH– we see it all as just so very, very perfect.

We see how life is more than what we thought it was, more than what we were trying to make it be, when we were so self-centered and arrogant about our own plans.

I could understand why Steve left to pursue what he wanted.  But still, my disappointment that he chose that course still bothers me to this day.  I felt like he deserted his kids.  He left all these little ones to pursue something so…so STUPID by comparison.   I feel like asking him, “Steve, you’re really happy with your decision?  You think doing what you are doing is better than what you had with these children?”   And it’s his choice, and he’ll probably say he IS happy doing what he’s doing.  All I can feel inside, however, is that he chose himself and the effects of that decision are self-apparent.

Over the years I have grown INTO the way I feel now.  I can’t be self-righteous here, and I know that what’s going on in Steve’s mind was happening in mine too at various times.

I remember shortly after Chloe was in my care, and I completed my M.A. in Theology, I applied and was accepted into the Ph.D program down at Catholic University.  I had dreams of being called “Doctor”.  It was just fun to think that.

And I loved books, studying, and the thoughts of getting published.  Of teaching as a professor.   Now of course to do this, I would have to move out and go to live in Washington D.C..   And this huge dream was happening for me, it was coming to be; but what bothered me was that to have that dream, I would have to give up this little baby, being part of a family, and living in that little Jack Johnson sounding world filled with cartoons, children’s shows, Beanie Babies, Mister Rogers, playpens, babysitting, bottles, little school tables and sitting on the fireplace ledge while we draw and work on phonics and letters.  I’d lose all this if I went to pursue my “dream”.

And everything was in place.   My professors were waiting, I was lined up to go.  Ancient Biblical languages, here I come.  It seemed like what I was ‘supposed’ to do…or so I told myself.  Like it was the ‘next step’ in my evolution as a priest.  Take up further studies.  Write.  Teach.  etc., etc.

But I couldn’t do it.  I couldn’t leave.    I looked at the little Baby and I knew there was a totally different course ahead of me if I chose this path.  I would leave behind everything…and there were questions:  how could I be a priest?  What work would I do?   How would anything work?  Would I be a nobody?

None of those questions amounted to much.  I knew I could never leave.  Maybe I just wanted to see if I could get in to a real Doctorate program.   Maybe I just wanted to be thought of as that ‘smart’.   What was I needing to prove though?  Wasn’t that all just about “me”?  It was.  That’s why I never went.

And I knew I’d never go back to school.  Once I made this choice, it forever altered my course of direction in life.  I went away from the academic world and entered the world of a child.  And it was in that world I found my true identity, and my home.

I’m not a hero, I’m not describing this situation so that I can tout my “strength”.  I’ve made plenty of mistakes and it’s only because of the goodness of God that I have what I do, that I am where I am.

It’s just that I felt that ache in my chest, in my heart, thinking I would have to give all this precious stuff up if I chose the “me”.  See, this felt perfectly right even though I couldn’t explain why, completely.  It didn’t seem logical, but love never is logical.  Love showed me where I belonged, but my own selfish sense of dreams only showed me where the “I” in my life wanted to go.  That latter part was all about “me”.  The other life, the one I had, was a real PATH God had me on.   I belonged there and nowhere else.  I was needed by a little life.

That became more important than my dreams.  I was really needed here.  I realized that nothing else mattered:  that my sense of identity was never going to be found in a Ph.D, books, professorships I was imagining.  Or anything else for that matter.  It was all about giving up something I wanted, in order to have what was truer, better, holier, and pleasing to God.

And I realize something central I was to be practicing as a priest (we all have to do this by the way):  and that is that when you give your life to God and say to Him, “Do with me what you will”, you are saying you are prepared to go where God sends you.

Perhaps that’s to a place or state in life that doesn’t seem very important to you.  Maybe it seems beneath you.  Maybe you cringe because it’s not your dream, not the dream you had for yourself.

But look in your heart and you will see if it’s your path.  Your heart will feel a sense of peace.

Now, Chloe is grown.  She’s 18.  My job as teacher is not over though.  I can’t stop being who I am now.  I’ve been the live in Uncle, Mistor K, Mister Rogers, and Man with the Yellow Hat, all this time…I’ve not been anything else.    (Anytime I ever tried to do or be anything else apart from the path I’m meant to be on, I’ve failed miserably).

I’ve not been the Doctor of Theology, the recognized writer, or the whatever else….and I never will be.  I see how those things were worldly, even though I tried to make them look like they would serve God somehow.  Truth is, like all self-centered dreams, they would only serve the “me”.

Living as Mistor K, my life has been completely redefined by my Lord at the hands of a child.  I drove Chloe around and I ran our little school…but she shaped my heart and mind and that’s the way God wanted it.  It made me more powerful in what matters…being someone larger than life to a little child.

Will that stop now?  No, I don’t think so.

But now Chloe is 18…and that voice of suggestion from the other side returns….i.e., I’ll have time now to do this, or now I want to do that.   Yet I know that the path I’m on, I will stay on.  I can’t do anything else now.

It’s revealing the happiness I’ve always wanted in my life, but it’s lived out by Faith.  You have to trust that the road you’re on is the one you’re meant to be on.

I don’t really want to know anymore about Steve’s reasons for leaving the show.  The point has been made for me.  I know to leave that behind now and move on.  But the lesson is clear:  to really be a part of the miraculous things in life that live forever, you have to let go of the “me”.

You have to give up dreams, but only the self-centered kind.   Follow the path God lays out before you and walk it with Him.

Steve Burns made a TV show and went home.  I got to be a real Steve Burns, a real Mister Rogers, a real Man With the Yellow Hat.  I don’t go home…because I am already home.

There aren’t enough advanced degrees in any subject in all the world that could get my attention now.

Thank you Jesus, you’re the Man.  I keep thinking now of how the Sanhedrins and Scholars of today meet and have such important discussions about God, while you are out pushing children on the swings.

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Posted By Fr. Bill on May 5, 2012

Have we realized the importance of being honest and sincere in all our behaviors —  our thoughts, words, and deeds?

Have we realized the spiritual gold that is mined by that conscious decision to be a good, honest, and decent person, before God and before others?

And have we realized that no true honesty or sincerity is possible with others UNTIL we are, in fact, authentically honest with ourselves and sincere with what we decide to be, on the interior of our souls?

In other words, all our outward behaviors which appear to others to be upright and honest and sincere are actually phony if they are not ordered FIRST from within at the core of one’s being.  On the level of the soul, from the center of what we are to the outer rims, we must radiate that decision, conviction, and commitment to be, in fact, sincere and honest.

We would then be truthfully outwardly “good” because within we have made the decision and commitment to be so.  It is not an act, therefore.  It would be the real thing.

And we, as human beings, must constantly apply right and sometimes laborious effort to make this true within ourselves so that we might avoid the pitfalls of hypocrisy, that which unfortunately pervades human existence.

It’s hard to be authentic because it involves a lot of hard work at times to make oneself truly be what we seem to others to be.

It’s a choice to be good, inside and out.  It’s not always easy to stay steady in this, especially in the beginning when we make this choice and really consider staying true to it.  But like any other art, it takes practice and conviction and steady, continuous work.

The fruits of this labor make it all worthwhile….

To really be a good person, instead of pretending all our lives to be one…is this not among the highest of all arts?

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